Parenthood and Autism: The Role of Parents in the Daily Life of a Child with Autism

As parents, we assume a great deal of responsibility for the welfare of our children. The way we speak to them or act around them impacts their behavior and overall development. But when your child has autism, the role becomes considerably more challenging. How do you even start being a parent, when the foremost difficulties faced by the child with autism are communication and social interaction?

The responsibilities of a parent are ever-evolving; each day bring with it a fresh set of difficulties and rewards. Your child may need your love, support, and direction throughout their life, in both the easy and difficult circumstances. But with the right information and your sheer determination, you can do it and provide your child with exceptional parental care.

Here are three things to consider:

1. Love them unconditionally

Children with autism are already exposed to self-criticism on a regular basis. They may not show it, but they know if they are being judged by other people because of the way they behave, which makes them withdraw, distrust others, and avoid social situations. They can sense what you as a parent feel about them. And if they feel that you are disappointed or ashamed of them, they will naturally be afraid of you. If they are afraid, then they won't be able to know that they can trust you.

The best thing to do is to make them feel loved. Love them with no conditions. Love them for who they are, and not for who you want them to become. Focus and highlight your child's strengths, not their weaknesses and flaws.

2. Let go of any kind of negative judgment

Surround your child with a judgment-free attitude; ultimately, the child will learn to engage with and listen to you and eventually, other people. If the child observes that they are not being laughed at or mocked for their behavior, they will strive to push themselves beyond their comfort zone-- to come out of their autistic world, and discover that "oh, the world is safe for me to be in, people do not criticize me, they love me for who I am."

3. Demonstrate total acceptance

Never let your child see you blaming yourself or your partner for having an autistic offspring. This will only make them feel like a mistake or a result of a bad decision. Children need to be validated, especially by their families, in order to feel seen, accepted, and loved. Accept the situation and change your perspective to say, "I love them for who they are and accept them for who they are, without passing judgment on them."

What can you do?

• Encourage the child with love, acceptance, and non-judgment
• Create an environment in which your child may be encouraged to become interested and venture outside of their autistic world
• Join them in their world by doing what they do (flapping of hands, for example), and make them feel that what they are doing is OK and normal
• Provide therapy (or lessons) only when they are ready or when they are eager to open up and listen
• Pay attention to your child's cues and look for moments of opportunity 
• Provide positive reinforcements like complimenting your child for a job well done and express joy by saying things like, "Wow, thanks for looking at me!"
• Provide a distraction-free setting with a mirror, cushioned flooring, and simple, easy-to-use toys
• Be exciting, exuberant, energetic, and silly when playing with your child
• Let your child see you as the most exciting thing in life!